“Fa la la la”. Ugly sweater parties, cookie baking, Uncle Brad’s tree lighting. It all sounds joyful, right?
But, when you are trying to conceive, the holidays can also be harder than anticipated. Even if you have just began on your trying to conceive journey, while you await your positive pregnancy test, it can feel long and tedious. It might stir up jealousy when you see a host of pregnancy announcements and see cute babies dressed up at parties. Or, maybe it is another reminder of another year come and gone without the growing family you have been dreaming of. The conversations with loved-ones asking about your trying to conceive journey may be triggering. Perhaps you’re receiving unsolicited advice about how you should try.
By preparing in advance for some of these more challenging moments you anticipate may happen, you will feel more in charge and hopefully less apprehensive.
So, how should one approach the holidays while trying to conceive?
Set Boundaries
If you are dreading an event because you know it will evoke feelings, proactively set some boundaries before you arrive at your destination. You are in charge and you get to decide what topics are off bounds and even if events are going to be a good use of your time and emotions.
You make the rules. You can politely decline any party or event that will not be happy for you or join for the parts that feel right for you. Maybe you want to skip the family Santa photo but join for the meal and drinks. There is no right answer and only you know how to be the best version of you.
If you anticipate the topic of trying to conceive, or some other topic you wish to not discuss with others, certain people, or during certain activities, consider defining a boundary (in your head) regarding the topic. If the topic comes up, kindly decline the conversation. “Thank you for asking me about our trying to conceive journey and for thinking about us. I’d rather not discuss it. Thanks for understanding.” You can provide as many details as you wish, and do not feel obligated to tell the person “I will fill you in later.”. You can also excuse yourself from a conversation for a bathroom break, or get some fresh air if you find yourself in a conversation that is becoming increasingly uncomfortable.
Schedule some self-care
This one has been getting a bad rap lately. But really, when you are trying to conceive, it is important to schedule time for you that is not all consumed by getting pregnant. This does not need to be a lavish day at the spa (unless that sounds like what you would like to do!). What helps you relax and unwind? What fills your cup? Maybe that is reading a book while sipping some tea. Or, perhaps you want to catch up on sleep by going to bed early. Perhaps you long to spend the evening with your closest buddies. The holidays can feel stressful with the hustle and bustle. Take care of yourself!
Healthy Habits
If you have set goals for yourself to help you on your trying-to-conceive journey, such as by getting exercise, limiting alcohol, taking your vitamins, or any other routine you aim to complete, try to not let the holidays derail this. While you will likely miss a day here or there of your healthy habits, if you keep a routine, it will not be difficult to continue these habits after the holidays, too!
Whether you are excited for the holiday season or feeling less than jolly, you can prepare for some of the expected emotional events that you may face. While you cannot predict everything that may unfold, by prioritizing yourself and setting boundaries, you will feel empowered to keep on keeping on. You’re the very best at taking care of yourself so trust your intuition!
